Socking stuffer

Tonight we had an end of the semester Christmas party. Somehow the entire campus caught word of this, and we arrived to the appluase of about 50 people. Some students were there that I hadn't seen since the first day of class. Luckily we prepared an all star line up of party games. First, we played pin the nose on Rudolph which was slightly compromised by the students telling each other when they were next to it. The next game was a real crowd pleaser. We took a photo of me holding a fake snowball and put it up the projector.

Then we had the students go to the back of the classroom and throw rolled up socks at my picture. Baseball is not a recgonized sport in China and some of the throws went a bit errant. The girls however had surprisingly good accuracy. One of them was a real Roger Clemens headhunter and hit my face on 4 out of 5 snowballs. After about two hours of of party gaming we taught them some carols. The real event of the night though was the picture taking at the end. I suspect 20% of those that attended came mostly for that.


We also decided to take a christmas photo in our apartment after we decorated.                                      

Seasoned Greetings

I've led my entire life banking on the world ending today. I haven't built any credit, made any long term investments, or geared myself in the direction of any profession. Today is my last day of teaching for the semester, and all of a sudden I'm looking forward to December 22nd and the first few months of the 2013 new year. For the next 66 days of our paid vacation, we might as well be contestants on "The Amazing Race".

Kassy's father will arrive on Sunday and together we will be able to do some traveling throughout China. Our first stop will be Chengdu which is famous for it's brilliant food, laid back lifestyle, and panda bears. Chengdu is in the Sichuan providence that hosts 85% of the world remaining pandas. Next we will, train to Xi'an the ancient capital of China, one of the four oldest cities in the world.

On January 9th, Kassy's father will depart and Kassy and I will fly down to Thailand. For the next month we will travel throughout Cambodia and Thailand then end up in Hong Kong for the beginning of Spring Festival (Chinese New Year).

Seeing as how we will not be blogging for a very long time, we decided to end this one with a bang.

First of all, I'd invite all of you to check out this Christmas song, by Taiwanese rapper MC Hot Dog http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0rlpbKCd94 He has some other awesome songs, but he is for a (im)mature audience only.

Kassy has updated all of our photos on our flickr account.

Lastly, we have created a music video about some of the delicious food in China. The video was shot entirely with an iphone and made using the most basic movie making program making it a bit choppy in parts (fair warning for the people who get sea sick easily.) Also some parts of the video might go a little fast to try to match lyrics, we will post the lyrics of the song at the bottom of this blog. For those of you that don't like the sound of screeching breaks, the weird sisters, or out of tuned guitars, I'd suggest muting our singing and just reading along with the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C20E1xF27h0



Sorry for leaving on that ♫ote, we want to wish everyone a 圣诞快乐 and may the year of the snake bring you good fortune,

Kassy and Sean (Kai xi and Wang Yang)



"My Grub Is Like... Wo"

See, baby


I know you done had your share of grubs
I am more than confident
You won't ever have to search these streets for
concessions
I got you

What kind of chow you like
I know the cooks can be reheatin'
Tell me what cuisine you like
My main goal is to feed ya

What's on the menu tonight
price so low I'll be treatin'
I hope you have an appetite
So tell me, will you come and dine tonight

My chao fan like...wo
My baozi like...wo
My jiaozi like...wo
My sauce is like...wo
My pai gu like...wo
My shao kao like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

My mian like...wo
My tofu like...wo
My tang ci like...wo (it's actually tang ci li ji)
My qie zi is like...wo
My tudou is like...wo
My somethings like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

When will you come chew
'Cause I'll be waitin' up right here
Can you bring some shancheng beer
So we can pop the top and cheers

Please have no fear Yeah
animal organs taste alright
I hope you have an appetite
So tell, will you come and dine to night?

My chao fan like...wo
My baozi like...wo
My jiaozi like...wo
My sauce is like...wo
My pai gu like...wo
My shao kao like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

My mian like...wo
My tofu like...wo
My tang ci like...wo
My qie zi is like...wo
My tudou is like...wo (Kassy is actually eating a yam instead of a potato)
My somethings like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

Try it,
Oh my
Taste it,
Taste it
Try it,
Oh My,
My

Try it like you never gonna eat no more
If you're likin' what you're tastin' Baby let me
know

If you're gonna feast hunger best be strong
'Cause I want these meals to last all night long

My chao fan like...wo
My baozi like...wo
My jiaozi like...wo
My sauce is like...wo
My pai gu like...wo
My shao kao like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

My mian like...wo
My tofu like...wo
My tang ci like...wo
My qie zi is like...wo
My tudou is like...wo
My somethings like...wo
And you're tastin' it
So what you think of it

Wo
Wo
Wo
Wo
Wo
Wo
Wo

Bring me some piggy pudding

It's the most wonderful time of the year. The mandarin oranges are in full blossom and they may have a higher concentrate of sugar in them than the canned ones sold back in America. They are so good that they even named the language after them. I can't quite speak Mandarin yet, but I sure as hell can eat it.

I find that many things in this world are very confounding. For instance, I am baffled by how a rip stick works, why the bull's eye isn't worth the most points on a dart board, and why you have to change the the direction you are twisting to get the tie thingy off on a loaf of bread. One thing that drove my confusion to apoplectic levels was why Koala Yummies were taken off the shelf. I haven't seen them since I was a young whippersnapper wearing Velcro shoes. I could not believe my eyes when I discovered our local grocery store has a whole row filled with them. I immediately grabbed one and fist pumped it into the air, the exact motion of Ash Ketchup after imprisoning a new Pokemon in his pokeball. For all those who remember them the recipe hasn't changed, although there is a new cappuccino flavor. Koala Yummies will be my first step in becoming a professional importer exporter.

For those of you who are frequent patrons of whole foods, taken a wilderness and civilization class, or drink out of used pear jars I would just like to say I am doing my part to maintain an eco-friendly world by consuming 100% organic, locally grown food. I would also like to mention, that I am also buying 100% locally made. I was going to get you all presents from China, but I suspect most, if not all your Christmas gifts will already be coming from here.

My mother is always pushing me to expand my horizons by eating new things. These past few months I have pushed my horizons farther than Magellan. Here is a list of some of the more unusual foods I've tried and their ratings:

Snake= B Taste is good, especially when it is cooked in oil. Watching the process of the snake being killed against a wooden board then gutted is less than appetizing however.

Pig ear=B The top ear of a pig tastes just fine but has to be gnawed at for a little while. If it is dipped in the pig ear sauce it's rating is bumped to a B+.

Chicken feet=C not the worst taste, but I'm to clumsy with my teeth to get any meat from them. I usually end up just sucking on them, which is alright until I feel the nail. Chicken feet in China are a delicacy, sometimes fought for like the leg of a turkey. Often times they are vacuum packed and sold in grocery store snack aisles.

Frog=B+ The french might be right on this one. Frog tastes like an amphibious chicken. If you can get past the look of it (it looks exactly like a frog without its flesh). I remember there being an old Muppet movie about a villainous man who wanted to sell frog legs. He would have made a fortune if he had.

Bull genitalia=B+ I had one in hot pot and was not told what it was until after I had finished eating it. I thought I missed my chance to be eating this kind of thing once I left Montana. Some Chinese think you are what you eat, and by consuming this will become stronger and more powerful.

Pig brain=? I can not give this one a fair judgement. It honestly tasted somewhere between garlic mashed potatoes and pudding. I believe that we as Americans should be more open to eating more parts of the animals we kill, and not letting so much go to waste. Although I could wrap my brain around the logic, I had problems wrapping my lips around the brain. I felt like Hannibal Lector. The taste was fine, but I wouldn't have been able to take another bite with out yak attack.

Cow stomach= C+ Just fine but real chewy, nothing to write a blog about.

Goose intestines= C to B+, depending on how it's prepared. Real delicious at the goose restaurant.

Eggplant=...A Really the Cinderella story of the trip. I almost gagged at the thought when it was first offered to me. "Here try some fish flavored eggplant." It's not fish flavored at all it's just prepared like a fish and is one of my favorite foods here in China.

Mong beans=A for Awesome. I go crazy for them like beagles for blueberries.

Snail= B- had one night at a BBQ. Was just fine but easily forgotten.

Lotus plant= B+ If cooked all the way through it is very delicious. If it is eaten raw it's a bit bitter for my taste.

Some other things things I've expanded to my pallet that I eat on the reg. Broccoli, sprouts, pumpkin, water seaweed, tofu, and about 4 different things that I don't know the word for. If my mother could witness the foods that I now consume she would not be able to close her mouth (like center fielder Carlos Gomez) for a week.

Duck, duck, goose....fish, cow

Christmas has come early.

In the last two days I have been bombarded with invitations and offers. My daily life in China is set to undergo a drastic change.

The first offer came from playing badminton after class one night. Some boys were doing some step-up like things on the stage. Back in the day, I won a seventh grade break dance competition in which I inherited the name Shigady Sean from the MC, I figured I’d go check it out. I watched for about three minutes before someone ran over and insisted that I join the club. Tonight will be my first lesson, we’ll see if I break (it) down.

Last night we wined and dined with the headmaster of an elementary school who wants to hire us as teachers. Dos Equis might have hired the wrong guy. In addition to being a headmaster, the man also owns the five-star restaurant we ate at, a tennis club, and is a champion Chinese boxer. The restaurant we ate at was superb, better than the salmon served at my sister’s wedding. I lost track of how many courses were served but I remember we had goose prepared 8 different ways. My favorite was battered and fried and put in a soup. The most unique was goose liver served with diced cucumber and snow peas. When I thought I could eat no more, a plate of Salisbury steak was put in front of me along with silverware. It took Kassy and me a while to remember how to eat with a knife and fork. These gourmet dinners may become somewhat of a frequent thing once we begin teaching.

To cap the night off, I was asked via a text message if I would consider working as paid model for a new store. I’ve been practicing my “blue steel” look ever since.

Pain is pressure

Massages are a customary part of life for many Chinese. Supposedly, massages play an important part in keeping one’s body balanced (a word that is synonymous to healthy to the Chinese). The Chinese government has done something really cool, they subsidize the cost of massage training for blind people so they can play a valuable role in society. Almost all masseuses are blind, which does nothing to hinder their work professionally. Being the regular laobaixing (average Chinese Joe) that I am, I decided to go get my first massage.

After years of lifting with my back, slinging my backpack over one shoulder, and sleeping in the fetal position, my back has built up a reserve of entanglements and has been nicknamed Fort Knots. Once the masseuse got to work on my back, he started talking to the other masseuses and laughing a little bit. He was probably asking if I was Quizimotto. I’m sure the knots in my back read like brail under his probing fingers saying “F.U.B.A.R.” I started to feel self-conscious like when the dentist begins to floss and you start to bleed. Luckily, the five dollar hour long massage was a soothing one filled oohs and awws…….. knot!

At the Packer Hall of Fame, I read a quote from the great Vince Lombardi, “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.”  If that is the case, then I have never been a stronger human being in my life. The one hour pressure point massage was downright “cruciatusly cursed” at times. At one point (in my lower back), I lost all feeling in my legs and shouted “Uncle” to no avail. Once the masseuse moved past my back and down to my legs I started to panic. I have very sensitive feet with uncontrollable horse kicking reflexes when they are touched. The thoughts of an international scandal began to race through my head, “American teacher kicks blind masseuse in the face.” Fortunately, the masseuse had to spend so much time undoing the knots in my back (a feat that no eagle scout, experienced sailor, or King Henry the VIII could do in the given time) that the time ran out before he could get to the bottom of my feet.

I hopped off the table feeling like Gumby. If I was to go back to grade school I could have received the presidential award for the V-sit for the first time ever.  No pain no gain has its truth, I felt like 6,290,000 Yuan on the cusp of Nirvana. This limber feeling is disappearing now. It doesn’t help that I am sitting on my futon, hunched over my computer while typing this blog.

The Wang's Speech

Within the last two weeks, we have acquired a “U.E.1.3.” (say this aloud and you just said friendship forever in perfect Chinese) relationship with a high school English teacher. His name is Leo, although the zodiac characteristics of a Pisces portray him much more accurately. He is a very caring person whose personality resembles one of the reoccurring characters from CBS’s “Touched by an Angel.”  You would not expect Leo’s soft and gentle demeanor to lead you into a bold or venturous situation, but in our short time of hanging out with him, we have learned to expect the unexpected.

The first time meeting Leo, like all of our experiences with him, proved to be a great day. He took us to an extraordinary Buddhist temple and a scenic park that had similar canopy to the film “Jurassic Park.” He asked if we would be willingly to come to his high school to give an English presentation to which we enthusiastically agreed. Two days later, we were picked up from our apartment and taxied to the school where we were met with troubadours, huzzahs, and flash photography. Incidentally, we arrived at the same time as the mayor of Rongchang who was given minimal attention by comparison. The faculty soon came to the realization that the school only had one large projector and a debate broke out as to which presentation needed it more, the mayor or the foreigners. Kassy and I informed them that we would be just fine without the projector, had we known what was in store for us, we may not have conceded so quickly.

We were under the impression that we might go in and speak to a couple of classes, flash some U.S. currency and smile for a couple of pictures. However, An Fu High School had something else in mind. Leo escorted us to the school’s auditorium where 200+ students eagerly sat with wide eyes and open mouths. The eight windows each had fifteen or so students cramming their heads in. On top of the Auditorium stage an LED Banner screen said, Welcome Shawn and Kassy to our school!  I have not spoken in front of that many people since my fifth grade five minute autobiography on Wilt Chamberlain. I suddenly became very conscious of my stomach and the weakness of my knees. I soon realized our previous plan of showing currency was completely impractical, and without a blackboard or projector our usual English lessons were rendered useless. Leo then came to help set up our microphones and inform us we had an hour to present.

We talked about anything we could think of. How we studied psychology which is more or less mind reading. I made up a story of how the “Adam’s apple” got its name because of a boy who never chewed his food and one day decided to swallow an apple whole which became permanently lodged in his throat. Why American’s are fat. We also demonstrated thumb wrestling, the song head, shoulders, knees and toes, and pinky promises (the pinky is the middle finger in China so you could imagine how comical the concept was, especially while watching two guest speakers give them the bird.) During the question time we were asked to sing an American song, we did a deaf tone duet of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” We smiled amiably as we answered intimate questions about our relationship.

Just like a UPS postal worker, we delivered. If you were to ask the teachers and students how our improvised speech ranked, they would claim it was comparable to the Gettysburg Address. We have been given an open invitation to return as well as asked to judge an English competition next week.

Yesterday, Leo invited us to go on a bike ride to the ancient town of Lu Kong. The bike ride is usually an easy 40 minutes on a well paved flat road so Kassy and I rented out some very cheap dainty rode bikes (high handle bars with baskets in front). Before going to Lu Kong we stopped to see a botanical garden which meant we had to take an alternative route. Poet Robert Frost would describe it as the road less travelled. Not a single section of the serpentine path was smooth or flat. The one gear bike with semi-workable breaks and a seat lower than my knees was over matched by the mountainous terrain. Still with “The Little Engine that Could” perseverance I strenuously pedaled upward each hill until I got to the adrenaline rush of barreling down the steep hills and careening around the tight turns.  The steadfast determination died about half way to Lu Kong as my bicycle started to make tin man like noises (also how my body feels now). We had to walk our bikes up the remaining hills. We got to Lu Kong in a state of exhaustion and only stayed for an hour. By comparison, the paved road we took back felt like biking downstream on a conveyor belt. As with most things I borrow, I returned the bicycle while apologizing for its depreciated value.

In my o’pinyin

Yesterday was a huge breakthrough in my Chinese. I round housed kicked down the language barrier and conducted mai mai (business) with the store keeper like a laobaixing (an average lee). Here is a rough translation of the flawless conversation.

“Hello, do you have any cold medicine.” “ni hao, you gan mao yao?”

“I have.” “you”

“How much?” “haoduoqian”

“15” “shiwu”

“Thank you, goodbye” “xie xie, zaijian.”

I tell you it was seamless and I got a big euphoric rush. I might go buy some amoxicillin tomorrow just to get the feeling back. I can also give the illusion that I know Chinese by memorizing an idiom and inserting it randomly into any conversation to elicit applause. The Chinese love making four word idioms that sum up short stories. In an earlier blog, I explained that mamahuhu literally means horse horse tiger tiger but as a phrase means so-so. The story goes, once there was a painter who created the most magnificent painting. Everyone thought it was the best painting they had ever seen, but half the people thought the painting was of a horse and half the people thought it was of a tiger. After much bickering, they finally they decided the painting couldn’t  be that great if they couldn’t all agree if it was a horse or a tiger, so they declared it only so-so.

The Chinese also love plays on words. The man who created pinyin (who I would write a sizeable check to if he still were alive) cleverly came up with a 92 word poem about a lion eating poet using only one pinyin word shi.  This dwarfs the grammatically correct English sentence, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." The meaning of the word shi changes as the tones change making it the world’s hardest tongue twister. A Chinese crossword writer might have an even easier job than me if he used pinyin. With all the double/triple/quadruple….decuple meanings to spoken words, Chinese language has the ability to be very cryptic. One man (who might be related to George Orwell) wrote a seemingly innocent story about a rabbit to post on the internet. Soon it was discovered that when the story was read aloud, not only did all the words have second meanings based on pronunciation, but it was also directly speaking out against the communist government.

The luckiest number in China is 8. People will pay money to have an extra 8 in their phone number or license plate. The reason is because the pronunciation “ba” sounds like “fa” which means good fortune.  It was no coincidence that the Beijing summer Olympic’s opening ceremony was held on 08/08/08, and it remains the day that has had the most weddings ceremonies.

Every one of my students has made sure to tell me to bundle up because the weather is changing. This phrase, “The weather is changing” is repeated like a mantra and is apparently the main reason for almost any kind of ailment, from an upset stomach to a tooth ache. It reminds me of the ominous Stark household creed “Winter is coming” from the book “Game of Thrones”. The afternoons are pleasant enough, but the nights become an insufferable damp coldness.  One that is almost inescapable even when you are swaddled up in the confines of your home. I like to think I am a minimalist, a minimalist that takes full advantage of mi casa es su casa (If you give this moose a muffin…) but I made a valuable purchase in acquiring a water heater. It has become my most treasured possession during this weather change and I would not trade it for all the tea in China.

It's all gravy

The opening line from the mix reviewed show "Portlandia" claims that Portland is where young people go to retire. If that is the case, Rongchang is where young folks go for sabbatical. I've contemplated starting a mandala with the amount of free time I have acquired. Our 12 hour work week has shrank to 8 as our freshman students start cramming for their exams next month. At our University, Kassy and I do not do any kind of grading, we are resources for the students to practice English outside of the classroom. Although we are truly fascinating (our students assure us), recreational English isn't a priority during crunch time. Our night classes frequently overlap with mandatory gatherings for all freshman. Yes we still are teachers, but a better label for us would be mascots whose purpose is to boost campus morale. Students still get very pumped up to see us and picture taking has not has not ebbed in the slightest.

Our free time has not been filled with idle hands. Kassy has gotten a gym membership where she practices Eastern yoga which is apparently a much different style. I have used the time trying to improve my Chinese sporting skills. I have had varying levels of success. I am currently playing the best ping pong of my life, which means I can contend with a beginner class at an elementary school. I have become somewhat of a presence on a basketball court (mostly on rebounds), however from lack of practice over the years, my left hand has become completely defunct and is about as much use as Nemo's little fin. By far, my favorite sport to play is badminton in which I have managed to obtain sensei status. As of right now Danny Almonte like things are being done to my citizenship documents so I can hoist up the China flag at the Brazil Olympics. Some people have taken to calling me Li Dan.

One of my favorite quotes from the novel "Slaughter-house Five" is "No matter where you go, people are people." On a whole, I agree with Vonnegut, but its meaning is over simplified if taken literally. I would modify it by saying, no matter where you go, children are children. Our streets are "chalk full" of children running around and playing red light green light, follow the leader, and hop scotch. The only difference is that Chinese children are cuter. Each day I get a huge wave of happiness as I am greeted by two adorable little girls that wave and shout hello. I usually respond by doing some sort of mimery that elicits rave reviews with clapping and giggling.

Some people say that love is the universal language, geeks say it is math. Really the only two things in this world that can tie everybody together, is the song Gang Gam style and the movie Titanic. Peace conferences should keep this in mind as conflict rises in the mid-east if they are trying to find grounds to agree on. Chinese people still have tears stream down their eyes while they talk about Titanic. The song "My heart will go" is still in the top 40 hits and is a staple at all KTV's. I have also gang gam styled with people between 10-55 years of age.

China has a version of black Friday that takes place on November 11th every year. It is called singles day because it is 11/11 on a calendar. It is a big day for sales without trampelings. We have been teaching about Thanksgiving for our classes this week. The "turducken" has taken quite a bit of explaining and has been met with some very quizzical looks. I try to explain to them how quintessential it is for the proper American meal. We also had them give persuasive speeches where they were turkeys and we were farmers and they had to give us reasons for why we shouldn't eat them for Thanksgiving. One of our students looked up the holiday on his phone and said that he was pardoned by president Obama. Tomorrow we will go to Bei Bei to feast with the other westerners. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and that the Cowboys lose.

We have finally updated some photos on our Flickr account.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

Seeing as how I am a good ol’ fashioned country boy who has roomed with Adam Van Atta for a series of years, I can say that I am just fine with America’s second amendment. China, who invented gun powder, only allows its citizens the right to bare arms (Keng fu style).  With 1.3 billion people roaming around, there isn’t much hunting space to be had or crimes that need to be prevented. It’s a marvel that such a populated country can have such a low crime rate. I was taught that population and crime have a correlation rate of about .99. I’ve speculated reasons for this, maybe it’s because there are no guns or that there are harsher punishments for crime. I think what it comes down to is the Chinese value honor. To commit a crime is to dishonor themselves, their family, and their country. The Chinese place much more value on their society than their individual selves.

The real danger in China is crossing the street. It is like playing a human game of Frogger where you are on your last life. No matter what a cross walk says, your only focus while crossing should be strength in numbers. The taxis here are incredibly cheap. In our town you can get to any place for a mere 80 cents. A motorcycle taxi is even cheaper, but you have to have a Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon kind of death wish mentality to hop aboard.

The other danger of living in China is becoming addicted to cigarettes. They are offered non-stop as signs of generous hospitality. China is probably the worst place in the world to go cold turkey (also because they don’t have turkey.) Though possibly the most serious danger is gambling.

Oscar Wilde once wrote, “Why do all men kill the things they love?”  I inversely wonder, “Why do I love the things that kill me?”  such as the sight of an oil rainbow mixed in a puddle, the taste of a bacon cheeseburger, the smell of Big Sky Brewery, or the sound of Mahjong tiles being clanked together. Recently in China gambling on Mahjong has become somewhat of an epidemic. Mahjong tables are occupied at all hours of the day and hundreds of dollars can exchange hands depending on how a round is won or lost. The game is a home-wrecker, but wow is it fun and arguably worth it.  

Missed ellaneous

China has done the Mulan thing and has somehow made a man out of me. A strong lawyer might be able to make a compelling argument that I have an actual beard and moustache. It probably should go, but for the first time in my life I am in the position to partake in no shave November.

I should have to wear a garbage bag when I eat. There is not a white shirt I own that isn’t covered with oil blotches. The meals here are like double scoop ice cream cones in mid-July, no matter how careful you are they just get everywhere.

Chinese business strategy is bamboozling. It is way more expensive to buy things in bulk than to buy them individually wrapped. For example, one packet of coffee is 1.00 kuai while a box of 10 packets is 18.00 kuai, it truly is confounding. There is also an area of town that has five hair salons in a row. I understand putting a bar next to a bar increases business for both, but I can’t imagine a customer getting multiple haircuts in succession.

To our delight, a new restaurant opened up right next to us. Its menu includes western style fries, chicken sandwiches and cold soda. To sit down, you must first climb up a ladder to reach their “cozy” dining area. I use the term cozy because the ceiling is about 4 and a half feet tall.

I know full well that I am a terrible singer, however I made an incredible discovery at a KTV that I can sing/perform Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” perfectly. Some may argue that my cover is in fact better, like Jimi Hendrix’s version of “All Along the Watchtower.” The magic; however, did not last long as I nonkosherly butchered Regina Specktor in the next song.

Game of Thrones

Here is some miscellaneous stuff from the two months I've been here.

The Chinese word for pig is, ironically, pronounced jew.

I inadvertently start speaking Spanish when I don’t know what some one is saying to me.

Our grueling 12 hour weekly schedule was shortened this week due to an English celebration festival where the entire Animal Research department performed skits and songs entirely in English. There was a large audience spectating, but I suspect Kassy and I were 2 of 8 people there who knew what was going on. One group did a splendid rendition of Snow White.

The 3,500 student body campus elected to purchase a LED jumbotron that plays random footage throughout the day, at one point they were showing the Kansas State vs. Syracuse pinstripe bowl from 2010.

The saying make new friends but keep the old is becoming somewhat impossible with the exponential growth rate of the friendly people we meet.

One of my favorite things about the Chinese language is that many times they make  ≈ "hmmm ha ha hmm" sound almost before and after every sentence. It is strikingly similar to the dialogue from the old cartoon show Speed Racer.

I have not had to use a squatting toilet once, I have Western potty trained my body.

For some reason my computer takes 45 minutes to upload one picture and half the time it fails. I'm sorry that the blog has some what lost its professional formating. We will hopefully find inspiration to update the flickr account soon.

 

 

ATonement: for my Chinese

Chinese lessons have started and for the first time in any foreign language class, I am one of the top three best students (there are only three students). So far we have just been covering the sounds and tones. Once again I find the letter "r" to be my arch nemesis. In early grade school I had to go to speech therapy to practice saying r words. The Spanish "r" was even worse. I have some nightmarish memories of standing in the hallway privately practicing with my professor while my peers laughed at my countless failed attempts to get anywhere close to the noise I was supposed to be making. I almost had a panic attack during the class where we practiced saying the "rr." The "r' noise in Chinese sounds like you’re saying the letter z while having your mouth in the r position, I struggle immensely with it.

The sounds on a whole though are not particularly difficult in comparison to the tones. There is a litany of evidence to suggest that I am tone deaf. In grade school, I was asked to run errands for my teacher Mr. Scroggins during liturgical music time. There are four different tones in Chinese; the language is spoken as if people are singing a song. One word can mean many different things based upon its tones. For example, the flat first tone ma= mother, the rising second tone ma= hemp, the down and then up third tone ma= horse and the straight down sharply fourth tone ma= a bad word. You see the importance of pronouncing the tones correctly. My solution is to move my head with whatever direction the tone is supposed to be moving, it’s also the same way I play Mario Kart. In neither case does it have the desired effect.

Finally, there are Chinese characters, in which case I am a complete goner. Learning Chinese is different than most other languages. Normally, a person first learns how to read and write a language, second to understand the spoken language, then finally to speak it. Here in China it is the opposite order. The 4,000+ Chinese characters are way too hard to start with. Everyone in our area understands Mandarin Chinese, but they speak with a different dialect that cannot be found in any books or Rosetta Stone software program. So that means we have to be the ones who speak. While speaking Spanish you have a little leeway, if you don't know a certain word you have a legitimate shot of throwing an O or an A behind the English word you’re trying to say and it might be correct. In China you do not have such luxury; you either know it or you don't.

One fortunate thing about the Chinese language is that they don't have many words. If they created a Chinese thesaurus, you could probably read it in an afternoon (if you can read Chinese.) Furthermore, it isn't at all intimidating to try to speak in front of a Chinese person, they give you constant positive reinforcement whenever you try. If you say one word in Chinese they become flabbergasted and compare your intelligence to that of Stephen Hawking’s. When you can't say a word, they put half the blame on themselves for not knowing the English word. Most of the Chinese I know is food related. My vocabulary really plateaued once I learned how to say "geng bao ji ding" (diced chicken, onions, and peanuts seared in a wok then served over a bowl of steamed rice). I finally have an answer to the famous question "If you were stuck on an Island and had to eat one thing for the rest of your life..."

 Although Kassy and I cannot string more than two Chinese words together, we feel quite comfortable living here in China. We are able "to get by with a little help from our friends," (and massive assistance by complete strangers that want to help us). People have run across the street before to help us order when we are in a restaurant or have personally escorted us to a place we are trying to get to. It's almost as if Rongchang has enacted a "Good Samaritan Law" that mandates all citizens to aid any foreigner whenever ever they look the least bit bewildered.

Someone asked me,  "So you are living in rural China and don't speak any Chinese, how do you survive?

All I can say is...It takes a village...

 

Class is in obSession

Just by reading any of my past blogs, you are probably wondering how on earth did this guy ever get hired to teach English. My knowledge of grammar and use of semantics is appalling, my spelling is autrosisous, I frequently have problems with pronouncing words, and I mumble constantly. To camouflage my ineptitude of the language, I use large hand gestures, I plaster my face with a smile that actually is a mile, I am boisterous, I might even flick my lustrous golden locks from time to time. I profess I am not a confessor, I am Gildroy Lockhart of the English language, welcome to my class.

Each class begins with an idiom. I like to to teach them something that they cannot learn from a dictionary translation. I have learned a few Chinese expressions myself, my favorite being "mama huhu" which means so-so, it's literal meaning is horse horse tiger tiger. I like to balance my class with half the class reviewing familiar material like head, shoulders, knees, and toes, and use the rest covering new material like eye lashes, adam's apple, funny bone, and pinky promises. Our students have been taught English primarily through rote memorization. Kassy and I use games as often as possible to get the students to practice speaking. We both taught our classes the game two truths and one lie. The game succeeded in getting everyone to participate although the one lie every time could not have been more obvious to spot if it were told by Pinocchio. One of the more memorable responses was a man claiming he has two heads. A simple joke such as writing my own name down in a list of synonyms for the word great goes Sean lengths in the classroom. If China decides to have a spin off of "The Last Comic Standing" I would undoubtedly be a finalist.

Because Chinese names are so long (not quite tikki tikki tumbo... but not far from) and I can't pronounce them anyhow, all of my students have picked English names to go by in class. Chinese names all have meaning, in other words, every name could be used in a Chinese game of scrabble. Many students just have their Chinese name translated to English, some names are, Grass, Sunshine, and Swallow. Others ventured out and created their own unique names such as, Anluy, Clack, and Vajay. Kassy has a student named Poppy who unfortunately spells it as Poopy. One female Lady Gaga admirer from the class picked the name Alejandro.

I assure you I am not the only one snapping photos throughout the class. The students are beyond excited to be in the same room as an American and every time I turn around after writing something on the board there are at least two students taking a picture of me with a cell phone that's partially hidden behind a notebook. I am the first teacher these students have ever had that speaks English as a first language. Surprisingly, they speak English pretty well with an accent that is probably sounds more natural than mine. It's ironic to remember the days of high school when I begrudgingly went to Spanish class bemoaning the fact that I would never use it in my daily life. Meanwhile the presence of already large Latino population in the United States continues growing. Here in China, my students have been practicing English diligently for five years+ without ever having an opportunity to speak English in their daily life until Kassy and I arrived. It is probable that less then 5 percent of our students will ever have to or have much of an opportunity to use English in their lives. Still our students come to class craving to learn as much as they can.

We teach every night Monday through Friday from 7:00 to 8:30, with two other classes on Friday afternoon and one on Saturday morning. The schedule is not an ideal for travel but I can not complain seeing as how I only have to work 12 hours a week. Prior to daylight savings time, China is 13 hours ahead of central time. If anyone wants to skype, the best time would be around 9ish am or pm.

On a completely separate note, I would like to thank the Tompers for making my life, a box full of chocolates,! you never know if your going to get, especially through the Chinese mail. Chinese food is exceptional, although they are lacking in the sweets department. Special thanks to Chalis for sending me my all time favorite, Kit Kat bars.

I love this bar

I don't know if the entrepreneurs at Heaven and Hell had a scouting report, market research data, or a crystal ball but they could not have timed their grand opening of a "western style" bar with the arrival of two American foreigners more perfectly. The bar is run by three guys a year or two younger than me. Within minutes of walking into the bar we reached a symbiotic relationship. The owners could not be more pleased to have real Americans in their bar and we were elated to drink at a discounted rate at a place just across the street.

I use the term "western style" very loosely. The walls are adorned with a modge-podge of clashing political figures including fuhrer Hitler, Che, and Winston Churchill. No political statements are being made, they just hung whatever western pictures they could get their hands on. Other random memrobilia that you might find inside a Red Robin are also glued to the fake red brick wall paper. It's usually best to just drink beer, but you need to ask for ice. The mixed drinks are a little peculiar to say the least. I ordered a bloody mary and whether or not you came from Wisconsin you would agree that this one needed a chaser. I think the drink was mixed with dragon fruit and lemon juice.

The night of the welcoming faculty party, we stepped in to pay our patronage to our buddies at Heaven and Hell. After being treated to a royal feast that probably cost my monthly salary I decided to splurge and buy everyone in the place a drink. The action sounds generous but didn't cost more then $4.00. Dancing, clapping, and gan beis followed and soon everyone was speaking Chinglish. When everyone is having a good time, there are no language barriers. *Kassy Insert: Sean also tried to inform the owners of Heaven and Hell that he should immediately be hired to help bring customers into the bar. He did this by literally going out onto the street and putting his arm around strangers and coercing them to come inside. All the while shouting, "He,he, he" (this is, if prounounced correctly, means drink in Chinese- and sounds like huh) Surprisingly, he ushered a few in who delightedly stayed and later took us out for late night barbeque.*  We made it home late that night and began packing for our 8 days of traveling during national holiday which we were to embark on the next morning. Needless to say, we fell a little short of the boy scout model "be prepared." We later discovered that our packing was a little uneven, way too much of somethings and none of others.

I know I have made China sound like all fun and games and that's because so far it has been. Kassy and I received 5 weeks pay to go explore and meet new friends. In one hour we will go to finally teach our first English class. Working shouldn't alter my Chinese experience too much seeing as how my lesson plans follow the same model, all fun and games.

Local time China....5 o'clock

Well I caved. I purchased a VPN account that grants me full access to the world wide web of social media. I can now watch political debates, read western perspective on China's island disputes, and use you/twit/face. Furthermore, I can blog with out having to use a middle man, which means I will write more frequently for about a week before grow tired of it.

Cheers and beers

Drinking in China is like girls going to the bathroom in America, it is not a solitary act. If you are thirsty you better stand and toast somebody. Chinese meals feel like a more rapid version of power hour. There is no sip, once glasses collide you are expected to finish the cup. If you fill your shot glass up again after drinking, you are fair game to be called out for another cheers. If you don't feel like drinking any more, you don't fill you glass again in which case you have just bought yourself thirty seconds of rest time until someone else fills it for you.

When you are a guest at a table, it is a sign of gratitude to the host to get a little toasty (call out a few cheers and spill your drink a little while doing so). It shows them that you have enjoyed yourself in their presence. Sometimes this means we go through a lot of pi'jou (pronounced pee-jo=beer) seeing as how the ABV of Chinese beer has the same percentage as beer sold in a Minnesota grocery store.

Another sign of respect comes during the act of cheersing (which is a word according to urbandictionary). If you touch your glass below some one's you are paying them your respect. This act of etiquette has turned into somewhat of a competition as I always try to get my glass to clink at the lower level. In order to do this, I use a little move I learned from Viktor Krum called the Wronski Feint. I first go in for the toast, pretending like I'm staying the straight course until I'm an inch away and I roll the glass back in my hand and dive down clipping the bottom of the persons glass while I do so. I must say, I have not mastered the art, as a result there usually will be some spilt beer or plate that gets knocked over.

The last Chinese meal I went to was in all actuality a faculty Friday. Kassy and I dinned with the Southwest University; president, vice president, chair of the biology and math department, and the dean of students. All these scholarly men who have achieved great academic feats and acquired stockpiles of knowledge were fervently shaking our hands and welcoming us to their University. I performed a great number of Wronski Feints that night. As a result from these actions, a great deal of beer was spilled and a bowl was knocked over, but at least proper respect was paid.

I'll eventually post some pictures from this grand feast. I've never thought that food needed to be portrayed as decadent artwork, but WOW the aesthetics of this meal were spectacular. Franc from the "Father of the Bride" would have cried with joy from the way everything looked. The taste of everything equally phenomenal. Thankfully by this time, our chopstick proficiency was passable enough not to have to ask for a spoon. After dinner ended and everyone was a little red in the face, Kassy and I started walking back to our apartment. The night certainly didn't end here, but this blog will. We'll pick up where we left off at our local pub "Heaven and Hell" that needs a blog entry just for itself.

It's all happening down at Dazu

I was planning on covering the food and culture in the next segment of my blog, but my adventures from this past weekend take precedence.

My mother always told me that my words have lost all significance because I am always using super laxatives to describe ordinary activities. I realize that's probably how everyone feels, and if that is the case, we have reached a real "boy who cried wolf" situation. I beg you to over look the exaggerish ways of my past as I try to convey two of the craziest days of my life.

My best friend John Murray and his girlfriend, Oi Yang (English name Bear) made plans to come to Rongchang to visit me for the weekend. John met a teacher from Rongchang at a seminar he was teaching in Bei Bei and told her he was visiting the town this weekend. The teacher, named Annie, ditched the rest of the seminar and rode back with John the next day so she could take us to her middle school to teach some English. Upon arriving, I got singled out to go speak in front of some of the younger students, leaving the comfort of my companions. In the course of about 400 meters, I hit superstar status. An absolute stampede broke out over the soccer field as hundreds of child ran to see the first American of their lives. In the words of singer song writer Big Boi, "I was a bee hive with everyone buzzing around me." Children were running out of their classes to catch a glimpse. It was absolute pandemonium. There is a probable chance that more than three children fainted. The teachers themselves were too star struck to enforce any kind of order.


I spoke to four classes that all went like this: I walk in to an uproar...I say "Hello"... large applause...I talk a little bit about myself then ask if anyone has any questions...the children ask usually in this order: "Do you have a girlfriend?", "Do you like China?", "Do you like sports?" "Will you sing us a song?"... I say, "Yes, if someone will sing to me."...the best singer in class gets peer pressured until they sing... Tone deaf Sean sings "Star Spangled Banner" with many more errors than Christina Aguilera...then the tallest person/best basketball player in the class comes up to see if they are taller then me, everyone laughs if I am shorter...one person asks to take a picture with me...chaos ensues for the next 10 minutes as everyone wants to be in a photo with me or have me sign their English notebook...the class gives me a gift and I do it all again in the next one. I asked one girl after a class to give me a Chinese name and she picked Wang, which translates to king. I know my ego is probably the last one that needs a good stroking, but it's just nice to get the proper recognition you deserve.

**Addition by Kassy: After we duped Sean big time into having to teach the students who had only been learning English for two weeks, John, Oi Yang, and myself walked over to another building. We were going to teach the older students who had been practicing English for a couple of years. We were escorted to a teachers' lounge where we all sat together and laughed at what we could only imagine Sean to be doing. During this time students would stop star struck at the door of the lounge and point at us and giggle. We would wave and they would go crazy. Then we were split up to each go teach two consecutive classes. I would walk in say hello and the kids would go crazy. They were so excited to meet a foreigner. They would stand up one by one and say "Welcome to our China" or "My name is....". They always asked what type of food I like, what my hobbies are, and if I like China. After we finished the introductions I would play hangman on the board. They had clearly never been able to play games in a classroom setting and thought it was a blast. Sometimes I would try challenging words like "blizzard". I can only thank John for coming up with the hang man idea, I know he did the same in his classes. Then afterwards they would swarm us and demand autographs and pictures.

Afterwards, all the teachers took us out to a super fancy restaurant were we feasted like the Wangs we are. The only unfortunate thing about the day, was that Kassy's camera erroneously has a button that deletes all photos that was accidentally pushed throughout the course of excitement. We made sure not to repeat the same mistake at Dazu.

The next day we woke up late and slapped together a plan to take a bus to Dazu to see the famous rock carvings depicting the Buddhist teachings. Our friend and colleague, Thomas Joyce, decided to meet us there and took a three hour bus ride from the Bei Bei campus. It didn't take long for us to realize that our plan had left plenty of room for error. Our bus didn't arrive until 3:15 and the last one back to Rongchang left at 5 p.m. Thomas didn't speak any Chinese and got dropped off at a different bus station, and we didn't have a passports so we couldn't get a hotel in the city.

Here is where John's girlfriend, a.k.a Virgil, took full reins of the situation and orchestrated the impossible. First, she had Thomas hand the phone to a stranger so she could talk to them to figure out where he was. We decided to leave the transportation/lodging problem for later as we hopped from bus to bus to shuttle until we reached the historic park.

Our entrance fee was steep, but well worth it once we got inside. I'm not one for high tech gadgets, but I could not have been more thankful for Thomas and his 4872894 pixel high resolution duel lens HD camera. I have never seen anything so awe inspiring. You will be able to see these stunning pictures at Thomasinchinar.blogspot.com soon. We also have pictures from Kassy's phone posted at http://www.flickr.com/photos/rongchang. As incredible as these pictures are they fail to capture the impalpable presence of something mysterious. I'm not overly superstitious, but the hallowed grounds definitely had an unearthly feeling that was magnified by the fact that we were the only ones in the park.

The reality of our situation came back once we left the park grounds. We were stuck between an incredible rock and a hard place. Oi Yang talked to someone who helped find us a driver to take us back to Rongchang. On the way back, a gambling game broke out between the driver and us. He could obviously tell our hand was weak, we were foreign and had no established way of getting back to our city without him. Realizing the gravity of the situation, he raised the negotiated price to take us back by 50 yuan. Because we were not in an official taxi, he could charge whatever he wanted and the price might keep going up. After we declined his price, he kicked us out in the heart of Dazu. The only exchange was a verbal one and my guess is that there were some expletives used by both parties.

We hailed down a taxi to ask how much it would be. Five is a poor number for travel because a legal taxi can only seat four. I don't know if someone put a Felix Felice's potion into one of our coffees that morning or not, but somehow the cost of two taxis was cheaper then the original price of our previous driver. We celebrated our successes well into the night. Hopefully our good fortune will continue as we all travel for National Holiday.

Editor's correction: In the last blog, I wrote that a Chinese stranger gave me a lime and a tomato to solidify our friendship. The lime was actually an orange with a green peel and the tomato was actually a persimmon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persimmon.

And the people's choice award goes to...the Chinese

Bones in the Fish at a meal

I realize I've been a little slow on updates the first couple of weeks in China. To rectify this, I sat down and wrote for three hours yesterday about the best part of Rongchang...the people. Unfortunately, I'm not one for saving things (i.e. money, baseball games, important documents) and my computer screen crashed before I could post it. To top it off, it all happened right before I was suppose to meet someone for the first time. As I was sitting in the glumps bemoaning the loss of my labor, I heard a "Hello, how are"? I stood up, slapped a big smile on my face, and shook the persons hand thinking that he was the person I was suppose to meet. After our five minute conversation, we established that we both like ping pong, basketball, Rongchang, and that we are friends. The boy's companion, who didn't speak any English, wanted to confirm that we were friends too so he started reaching into his bag of groceries and handing me things. I did not want to seem rude and was excited to say what little Chinese I know, so I said thank you and accepted the lime. This brought a huge smile to the boys face and I soon ended up with a tomato and a bag of Cow Jerky in my hands as well. We exchanged numbers and gave enthusiastic goodbyes. My spirits were once again soaring, compliments of the Chinese people.

Gombai means "empty cup"

Part of the reason why the Chinese population is so huge is because it is not uncommon to live to be 90-100 years old. Over 40% of China's population is over the age of 60. The best thank you one can give to their parents is a one way ticket to China. The elderly are treated like royalty and have the right of way to just about everything. Every night there are town squares playing music for the elderly to go out and go dancing.

Friends (with benefits)

Usually, we encounter friends through a mutual contact. Our last group of friends we meet randomly at a coffee shop where the four boys said every English word they could think of. Depending of their English classes, Chinese students learn English with either an American or British accent. For some reason I think it is very comical for a Chinese person to say words like "mate" and "lad." The two that spoke the best English were twins (which is one loophole to having multiple children in a family without paying a massive fee to the government.) didn't have English names. The other two were named Loy and my personal favorite Danish.

The next day, I shot some hoops with the twins, where I quickly learned that I was severely out of shape. Compared to the Chinese, I am an amoeba. Being the tallest one on the court, I found myself playing the unfamiliar position of center. I was crushing it for all of about seven minutes until my proper box out form turned into me putting my hands on my knees while gasping for air. Furthermore, I am accustomed to playing with a net, which is in no way essential to to the game, but convenient for slowing balls down. I would watch the ball go through the hoop, but I wouldn't be able to get my hands up in time to prevent the embarrassing result of getting hit in the face.

We had fun with these lil' kids

After balling we met up with the rest of the group and I introduced them to the frisbee, courtesy of Reid S-S (I don't think I've owned my own frisbee for five years now). At first they though it was some kind of American plate, then a UFO once I threw it at one of them. Within five minutes of whipping the D(isc) around a 45 year man came and asked if he could play. It would take a onomatopoeia expert to phonetically describe the squeals of delight he was making as he misjudged every frisbee flight pattern. After what must have been at least 25 failed attempts he successfully caught one and let out a triumphant cry that completely rekindled my love for frisbee. By this time we had attracted about 50 spectators, the largest crowd I have ever played frisbee in front of. If someone was to open up a store that sold frisbees here in Rongchang, they would make a sizable fortune.

Our closest friend is a 30 year old woman named Maggie who can really throw her weight around (even though she is smaller then Kassy she can move mountains.) Last week we went to the cinema where she was able to get us a 30% discount on the the tickets and the movie changed to be played in English, both through a heated five minute argument that ran parallel to general manager Ron Gardenhire butting heads with an umpire. She has taught us some popular Chinese card games as well as the best hand game I've ever played (it's like boomba be with reflex time). We also have her to thank for showing us some of the most delicious restaurants in town including one that has pot stickers galore. The song "You ain't never had a friend like me" from Disney's Aladdin sums her up best.

Hey bay bay...hey bebe...hey Beibei

Tower of Freedom

Next! In China, that is the equivalent to the same value card being consecutively laid in Egyptian rat slap. China has no concept of lines. Yes they will be formed, but unregulated, similar to a first grade line if the teacher was blind. I experienced this at the Chongqing Medical Traveler's Center under the tutelage of Mr. Tian. Somehow he managed to get us checked and out of the building that was near its maximum capacity in less than an hour and a half. After the outstanding condition of my vitals were verified, Kassy and I boarded our first Chinese bus alone to go meet our buddies in Ja Fong Bei, the heart of Chongqing. If you've ever traveled with me, you will know that things do typically do not go as swimmingly as for Sun Yang. Unfortunately for us, the last stop of the bus was not our desired destination. So we had to hop off and pray we were close. Sensing our distress, a 19 year old boy named Jackson came to our aid and told us through fragmented English that he was also looking to visit the heart of the city and asked if we would like to follow him as he asked various people for directions. After walking about a mile, he took us to the Tower of Freedom. (Chongqing, a brief history- Was at one point the capital of China because its foggy consistency provided great camouflage from Japanese bombers. Once the war was over, the tower was erected in the heart of the city to celebrate China's independence from Japanese tyranny.) Even though we have only spent about 15 minutes with Jackson, we talk to him nearly everyday. Our favorite message came after Kassy told him that she was from Montana. He replied, "I'm delighted to hear you are from Montana, the treasure state mountainous region Gold and silver yellowstone national park rocky mountain. I like America very much, America is developed, advanced and beautiful country. I hope China keep perfect friendship and combination with America forever."

We tried to spend the first night in Chongqing in a hostel, but it was completely full. So we explored the city during the day and took a bus to the Beibei campus to experience some Chinese nightlife. Beibei is the main Southwest University campus and is much larger than Rongchang. It has as many students as the U of M(innesota). The people in Beibei are just as nice but are little more westernized (which means not as many gawkers). The next day was filled with fun, adventure, and headaches from the previous night.

Just as countries south of the border partake in mid afternoon siestas, China has a 2 hour shouxi (show-she) break between 1-3. Part of the reason is because of the heat, the other reason is that people to not want to tan. Unlike America, incredibly pale skin is perceived as a sign of remarkable beauty. China is 100% team Edward (twilight series). After a feast of a lunch, we decided to play some table tennis and plow right through the shouxi hour even though the temperature would have issued a heat advisory. Despite my HHP (Human Health and Performance) 122 Ping Pong class experience, I was throttled by a Chinese student named Will. After words/afterwards we went out to experience a Chongqing styled meal called hot pot. Basically, you can order anything under the sun to put it in a large pot of boiling hot oil placed in the middle of the table. It was the hottest meal I've ever consumed, thermally and spice wise. One negative thing about China that drives you completely nuts, is that beverages are always served at an irritating luke warm temperature whether its beer or tea. On this particular occasion, the room temp pepsi was no remedy for the hallucinogenic effect the food was having on me. All in all the meal was delicious, it just needed a costco size tub of ranch to come with it and a bottle of peptobismal.

We got back to Rongchang the next day through a free one hour shuttle ride that runs between the two University campuses every Thursday and Friday. Otherwise we would have had to taken a 4 hour bus ride. It was a terrific trip filled with many laughs and stories. This concludes part one of a Tale of Two Cities. Part two will consist of some great stories from our home town Rongchang.
  

Gettin' into trouble with Thomas Joyce and John Murray

I now have Internet on my laptop so I can skype when ever. Also I'm planning on having some of my students practice writing English by emailing friends in America, if you would like to receive a message or make a friend from across the world please send me your email address at 15inabucket@gmail.com. If I know your first and last name and you went to the University of Montana, your probably going to get an email anyway. Furthermore, a fellow teacher Thomas Joyce, the man who updates my blogs for me also has one himself at www.thomasinchinar.blogspot.com. His is much more informative, accurate, frequent, and gramatically korrect.

Yo yo ma im in China

I apologize for the tardiness of this blog, it appears that the Chinese government looks unfavorably at blogspot.com

Dear Reader,

Even with zee visa in hand, the road to China seemed to be laced with misfortune at every turn. Here is a game called two truths one lie and its pretty self explanatory
A. I lost my passport for about 25 minutes.
B. There was a cabin loss of pressure and those air bags that no one really listens about in the stewardess demonstration came down.
C. Our baggage got stuck in Beijing.

We met Mr. Tian (our boss) outside the baggage area and he arranged for our bags to come in the afternoon flight. So for the next few hours Mr. Tian took us around Chongqing, a city populated by 35 million. Mr. Tian took us to a fancy restaurant where I got my first experience of authentic chinese food. For all you Naysayers out there I tried 7 different mushrooms that meal alone and ate them no sweat (except for the fact that they were real spicy)
At this resaurant I realized two signfigant things.
1. I need to practice my proficiency with chopsticks (not the piano piece)
2. Chinese toilets are just holes in the floor upon which you squat over.
After lunch we continued to the Chongqing public cultural museum which was MAGNIFICIENT (see posted photos). Then we got to see why Chongqing is also known as Rivertown (see http://www.neatorama.com/2012/05/26/10-incredible-confluences-around-the-world/). Fortunately we will be returning here tommrow to get a medical exam.

Getting to Rongchang was like Daunte descending through the different circles of the inferno, but in this case, China. On the plane from Los Angelos to Beijing, I was part of the 30% cacausian minoirty. In Chongqing I certainly was unusual but not unheard of. In rural Rongchang, Kassy and I are two of three white people in the 200,000+ city. It a surreal experience unlike any other to go from Sean Scullin, 24 yro jobless suburban resident to celebrity status overnight. When people catch a glimpse of me their eyes go into animated symbols ($*!). I am Billy Pilgrim on the planet Tralfamadore, I am Justin Bieber in an all female high school, if these people were Jewish I may be pronounced the Messiah (For a complete description of who I am, listen to the song Guns and Cigarettes by atmosphere). If a pink elephant and I were placed in a room, not one of these people would pay the slighest attention to the offcolored enormous mammal.

My handsome (This adjective has been unanimously voted a fact by the entire city) appearance has the strongest effect on children. I am not very good at determining ages, but there is a distinctive difference in the reactions I get from children ages 2-6 and from 6-12. To the wee little ones, I am Sully from monsters inc, and I cause just about each and everyone of them to start bawling. Ironically, these childrens parents are obssed with thrusting these terrified toddlers in front of me and trying to make them shake my hand. The older kids are still a bit shy, but are absolutely mesmorized by me and they go into an uncontrollable fit of giggles if I look their way.

The food in China is unbelievably cheap and incredibly delicious. One dollars is the equivalent to 6 Yuan or Kuai (kwhy as it is prounced here). So everything is looks like its priced in American dollars but really its only 1/6 the price. So far Kassy and I have been feasting. Something that I found very peculiar is that it is much cheaper to go out to eat then to cook at home. This is a typical night at anytime between 5-7 "awww I don't really feel like cooking tonight let's just go get chinese food." Because we dont know how to read a menu or say anything we usually have to walk around and find people that are eating food that looks appetizing that way we can walk in and say "yao niege" (pronounced yow nayga). The first time we went out to eat by ourselves we sat down where no one was eating and just gave the waitress the thumbs up until she brought something. Turns out that ignorance is bliss, for she brought us the most scrumptious meal I've had in China. When the bill came to 12 yuan (2 dollars) I thought about slipping a five under the plate leaving a whoping 35 percent tip, but no body tips here and I thought that it might be taken as a gesture of pity instead of graditude.

A couple days ago, we meet our first Chinese friend Tony, who adores American culture, although has not grasped the concept of individuality. He wanted answers from Kassy to questions such as why do all american girls only like big muscles and black men. In China, if you find something that one Chinese person likes, you have got a market for 1.3 billion people. The movie the Titanic has dicovered this niche and has struck gold here. After showing us around town he took us to a Westernized fast food place in the main town area (it was actually the only food that I didn't really like and it was the most expenisive, an unheard of 4 dollars.) Afterwards we went to a place called KTV to sing songs were we proceded do have a very happy hour singing/shouting (in my case) karokee in a private room with strobe lights. People love to drink in china, but they don't have bars. So you either drink during a meal or at a ktv, usually you do both.  

Here are some other things that I realized I should have been writing about but don't want to exert the effort to explain them in full.     

In the first 4 days we were here, the rain didn't stop. The town next to the river area became flooded for the first time since 1981.

Our apartments are huge, if anyone wants to come visit me I can easily provide housing aww hell I'll even cover your food costs too. (we luckily have western toilets)

Driving is nuts, I shall talk about this more in the next posting, it's like everyone is playing mario kart and just went through a star.
Zaijian,
Sean

(answers a and C)