In my o’pinyin

Yesterday was a huge breakthrough in my Chinese. I round housed kicked down the language barrier and conducted mai mai (business) with the store keeper like a laobaixing (an average lee). Here is a rough translation of the flawless conversation.

“Hello, do you have any cold medicine.” “ni hao, you gan mao yao?”

“I have.” “you”

“How much?” “haoduoqian”

“15” “shiwu”

“Thank you, goodbye” “xie xie, zaijian.”

I tell you it was seamless and I got a big euphoric rush. I might go buy some amoxicillin tomorrow just to get the feeling back. I can also give the illusion that I know Chinese by memorizing an idiom and inserting it randomly into any conversation to elicit applause. The Chinese love making four word idioms that sum up short stories. In an earlier blog, I explained that mamahuhu literally means horse horse tiger tiger but as a phrase means so-so. The story goes, once there was a painter who created the most magnificent painting. Everyone thought it was the best painting they had ever seen, but half the people thought the painting was of a horse and half the people thought it was of a tiger. After much bickering, they finally they decided the painting couldn’t  be that great if they couldn’t all agree if it was a horse or a tiger, so they declared it only so-so.

The Chinese also love plays on words. The man who created pinyin (who I would write a sizeable check to if he still were alive) cleverly came up with a 92 word poem about a lion eating poet using only one pinyin word shi.  This dwarfs the grammatically correct English sentence, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." The meaning of the word shi changes as the tones change making it the world’s hardest tongue twister. A Chinese crossword writer might have an even easier job than me if he used pinyin. With all the double/triple/quadruple….decuple meanings to spoken words, Chinese language has the ability to be very cryptic. One man (who might be related to George Orwell) wrote a seemingly innocent story about a rabbit to post on the internet. Soon it was discovered that when the story was read aloud, not only did all the words have second meanings based on pronunciation, but it was also directly speaking out against the communist government.

The luckiest number in China is 8. People will pay money to have an extra 8 in their phone number or license plate. The reason is because the pronunciation “ba” sounds like “fa” which means good fortune.  It was no coincidence that the Beijing summer Olympic’s opening ceremony was held on 08/08/08, and it remains the day that has had the most weddings ceremonies.

Every one of my students has made sure to tell me to bundle up because the weather is changing. This phrase, “The weather is changing” is repeated like a mantra and is apparently the main reason for almost any kind of ailment, from an upset stomach to a tooth ache. It reminds me of the ominous Stark household creed “Winter is coming” from the book “Game of Thrones”. The afternoons are pleasant enough, but the nights become an insufferable damp coldness.  One that is almost inescapable even when you are swaddled up in the confines of your home. I like to think I am a minimalist, a minimalist that takes full advantage of mi casa es su casa (If you give this moose a muffin…) but I made a valuable purchase in acquiring a water heater. It has become my most treasured possession during this weather change and I would not trade it for all the tea in China.