The King and I

About a week ago we had a faculty tennis tournament. I was paired up with Doctor Wang, a professor in animal research. Due to a communicative break down, we got slaughtered in our first match. Mid-way through the second match, down 4 games to 1, we really started to mesh. At first playing doubles was really unfamiliar, but Mr. Wang playing the backcourt proved to be the perfect antidote for my defunct backhand.  I revolutionized the game by starting to charge the net and spiking the ball as hard as I could. Mr. Wang had the perfect lob shot to the back of the court to set it up. Soon we started rolling the competition. Our last match was pretty even. We played against one of the veteran teachers and Mr. Zhou, the president of the school. I almost played myself out of a job next year going maliciously after the weaker link Mr. Zhou. I might have gone over the top (my hat was turned backwards and I was shouting Geronimo each time I attacked the net), but we managed to win on the tiebreaker. The tournament format was a bit confounding, after going 4-1 we received fifth place. Not that we had much of a shot of defeating the 1^st place team led by Professor Yu, the tennis instructor, but we did beat the team that got third place. Regardless, it was a really fun tournament and as an added bonus Mr. Wang and I both won 20 dollars for our performance.

I went out to explore a bit of the countryside with Henry and a couple of his friends. After a country-style lunch, we went fishing (if you can call it that) in a domesticated pond. If you play the level of the refraction and the fact that bullets can’t go very far once they hit water, their method of fishing is even easier than shooting fish in barrel. We decided to have a fishing competition where the team that caught fewer fish would have to buy dinner. While we were sitting there hauling fish in at 5-minute intervals, the pond owner came out to stake sun umbrellas over us and feed the fish, in order to make our task even easier. During our two hours of fishing, I had an extensive naughty words tutorial. Bobo, the English name I gave to one of Henry’s friend, had a particular affinity for learning English cuss words. By the end of fishing, he sounded very similar to the turrets guy on YouTube. The fish was grilled and barbequed at Henry’s restaurant and paid for by Bobo’s team that only caught 9 fish.

 The fish dish, what a catch(er)

With my friend Henry

The goblets of fire

As a reward for being P90x (America’s number 1 home workout video) graduates we went to go get massages with Henry. Upon hearing that I had sensitive feet, Henry gleefully ordered us for 45 minutes foot rubs as well. At the top of an endless list of my flaws as a human being is probably my foot odor condition.* According to Henry, the woman who was attempting to massage my feet as I wiggled and squirmed, claimed I have very unusual feet. The way I heard it, she said my feet stunk. Henry claims stink and stunk are the same words I just didn’t understand the context, which is entirely possible, although his translations tend to be based upon what causes the most amount of comedy/personal amusement. The foot massage was a volley between being tickled pink and tortured red (the masseuse would dig her knuckles into pressure points in the heel) all to the extreme delight of Henry. At the end, they performed a hot cupping to remove all the bad blood in our backs. I found the feeling to be similar to putting a vacuum hose up to your skin, but with a warming sensation.

The result of those blood suckers

The new constructed studio set 

I recently learned that they are filming a new TV series in Lu Kong, the ancient town right next us. This weekend, we traveled to Lu Kong with our boss and saw a massive studio set that wasn’t there three months ago. People crowded all around trying to catch a glimpse of the actors performing. For the first time ever we weren’t the persons of interest. That lasted for about 3 minutes until the actors spotted us and ran over to take pictures.

This will be my last blog. Tomorrow we will leave to explore China’s southern beauties, Shangri la, Lijiang, and Dali for a week. We will return the same day that Kassy’s sister gets in. I imagine we will have a ruckus last 8 days in Rong Chang before heading to Bei Jing for five days. I have had an incredible year and am very much look forward to returning in September. Unfortunately, Kassy will remain in the United States seeking to obtain her master’s degree. To end on a good note (one much better than me singing), my good friend Adam Van Atta will joining me next year as I continue to toil with the Chinese language.    

*It’s always sounds disgusting to admit you have foot fungus; I am very appreciative who ever decided to call it athlete’s foot. “A rose by any other name wouldn’t smell as sweet,” but a foot fungus that’s called athlete’s foot makes me feel much better. I can almost use it as a reasonable defense mechanism whenever I take off my shoes, well I’m sorry everyone I’m athlete… what do you expect.

Wok It Out

This semester I have fallen more into a routine, although sometimes there are drastic fluctuations. Usually I’ll go out 2-3 times a week for dinner with friends or employers. For some reason there was one random week were I was invited out for dinner every night. One day I regrettably told my students to pick where we ate. They chose hot pot, which is the same thing I had earlier that day for lunch. Eating hot pot is the equivalent of drinking about a pint of oil. A hot pot enthusiast knows it is enough to only eat it once a week. There isn’t a chapter in the novel “What’s Your Poo Telling You” to describe my situation the following day. The eight-day bender took a drastic toll on my body. During that span I seemed to have aged considerably. The party fiend that I once considered myself to be has morphed into an old man whose ideal Friday night consists of drinking peanut milk and reading historical fiction.   

One Chinese belief that I greatly enjoy, is that garlic not only wards of vampires, but also prevents bird flu. With the H1N1 scare taking place, garlic has become much more prevalent in all dishes. Last night I had a dish that was just cooked garlic clovers. I now put garlic in everything, partially because I learned a really fun trick of how to dice it. Kassy and I, after several behind the stove lessons have managed to become adequate cooks. Our range is very narrow, but there are 5 to 6 dishes that we can competently prepare.

Our two year wedding anniversary meal.

Luo Bo Gu Lao Rou, the new favorite

Homemade hot pot, 

Good lookin' is cookin'

Homemade dumpling party with the old owners of Heaven and Hell

In addition to more work and studying, there has been a real spike in my physical activity. I have been playing basketball pretty frequently and have developed a reputation as the foreigner who plays defense (something that isn’t really taught in China since they all learn basketball by watching NBA). To call a Chinese game of basketball, scrappy, doesn’t scratch the surface. Players often lower their heads and barrel through the lane as if they are playing a game a red rover. Last month I played a game where I was getting mopped around because I wasn’t wearing the proper foot attire. I regrettably played the next five games without shoes. Several weeks later the bottom of my feet looked like those giant jawbreakers after 45,000 licks from all the layers of worn away skin.

You may have deducted from my erratic blogging frequency and writing quality, that I lack consistency. The same is true for most sports. Sometimes on the basketball court I completely understand the logistics of basketball, arc, form, bounce pass, etc. and other times I get passed the ball and it feels like I’m holding this Chinese fruit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian, thinking what the hell do I with this. I was having one of those playing better than I actually am kind of days when I met Henry. Now Henry and I didn’t get off to the best start, he walked up to me and said "you may be beautiful but that doesn’t mean you can play basketball." After his team went up a couple of baskets, he informed me my rebounding skills wouldn’t be of any use because his friend doesn’t miss. For the next hour I ferociously played an independent game called this guy never touches the ball. After the game he offered to take me to his restaurant, I reluctantly agreed. Over one the best meals I’ve had here in China, I learned he was attempting to trash talk because that’s what they do in the NBA.  

Take it to the cleaners

Back on Jinli Street

“May day” to the Chinese isn’t just a phrase to express a dire situation nor is it a time to leave flowers on people’s doorsteps, it’s a full blown holiday. China recognizes May 1^st as international labor day by giving three days off. With a bit of spare time on our hands we decided to revisit Chengdu for the bigger holiday, Kassy’s birthday.

I can't imagine how tall he'd be if he stood up

The first day we binged on some (central) American delights, burritos, enchiladas, real coffee, etc. The next day, Kassy’s birthday, we awoke at five to go on a Chinese speaking tour of the big Buddha and Mt. Emei. The big Buddha statue is 233 feet tall, the largest carved Buddha in the world. Although we didn’t understand any of the geological or construction facts the Chinese tour guide was saying, the sight itself was enough to marvel at. Afterwards we traveled to Mount Emei, one of the four major mountains in China*. Many people will spend several days walking around to fully appreciate the mountain’s beauty. Due to time restraints we only had five hours. We took a cable car about half way up the mountain then walked down. The mountain was indeed beautiful and it was a pity we had such little time, although by this point of our trip fatigue was starting to kick in. One government official in our group who was literally tossing stacks on stacks of money around, paid to have two people carry him down.  

Mount Emei

For our last day, we returned to people’s park. A very friendly and detailed artist drew a wonderful portrait of us as we leisurely played a game of cribbage. I’ve been constantly gawked at for the last 8 months, but there's something about being drawn that really makes you feel self-conscious. I’ve never described myself as picturesque, but this artist made me look amazing.

The picture put Kassy in such a great mood that she decided to try the customary ear cleaning the park has to offer. The man had a key ring full of tools that looked as if they had been swiped from a dentist office. The cleaner may have been a magician for everything he pulled out of Kassy’s ear. He took great pleasure in showing me just how dirty her ears were, probably so we would say yes to an ear washing for 5 times the price. Although we declined the ear wash, it was performed anyway, it consisted of putting three drops of something into Kassy’s ears. Afterwards, the utensil in the ear salesman tried to get us to pay the exorbitant price of the ear washing. I shouted at him in Chinese that we said we didn’t want the ear washing and that we were only paying for the cleaning. This was the first confrontational remark I made in Chinese. The man took my money, told me to go more slowly (Chinese way of saying for have a good day), then smiled at me in a childlike awww you got me kind of way. I wasn’t mad at being targeted as a sap that could be exploited . On the contrary I was elated, I felt like a Chinese citizen instead of a blunder some foreigner. The experience was a reward for the hours upon hours of Chinese I’ve been studying, and reinforced my studying habits. After doing my time, I wish the man the best of luck in cleaning the ears and pockets of unlearned travelers. 

The last night we went out for burgers and pizza. We saved half the pizza for the next morning and went to the mall. Kassy went to check out a couple of store as I mindlessly played a Chinese game on her phone. After a half hour we were informed the mall was closing and Kassy ushered me out by the elbow as I continued to destroy monsters that were trying to eat my carrots. About 50 feet outside of the mall I remembered that I left our pizza in H&M. I tried to run back into the mall but was stopped by a guard. I didn’t think he would understand the importance of pizza and I also didn’t know the Chinese word for pizza (coincidentally it is pizza), so I told him I left my cell phone thinking that I could just run in and grab it. A group of passersby seeing a foreigner struggle came over to help. I tried to tell them I forget something as the guard was explaining I lost my phone. Soon they were asking what brand and color the phone so they could call the manager. I told them to forget about it and tried to walk away but the guard insisted upon escorting us there. When we got to the store, it was locked down. The guard started banging on the door to demand the manager open it up. The next part is all guesswork, but I think the manager couldn’t open it because the security system was already activated. This displeased the guard, and he continued to argue with her for the next couple minutes while I silently prayed to become invisible. With my face beet red, I told the guard that we could just come back tomorrow.

 

*Sichuan people believe their women are the most beautiful because they are born near such beautiful mountains. Other Chinese believe it is a name that makes a woman beautiful. One woman who had never met or seen Kassy before, was informed by my tutor that she was very beautiful. “Yes, I know that already” She replied rather matter of factly “she would have to be because her name is Kassy.” (As flawed as this logic seems, I have always found there to be a strong correlation between the name Elliot and high intelligence).    

China: the largest dam nation

Many cultures have a day to commemorate the dead. Every spring, China celebrates “Qing Ming,” a three day festival to honor deceased ancestors. Qing Ming is translated as the sweeping of the tombs, during this holiday, families will travel to the tombs of loved ones to pay their respects. We decided to take advantage of this vacation by taking a four day boat tour through the Yangtze River.  

The Yangtze river is the longest river in Asia and the third longest in the world (if your into post-apocolytic fiction, it is where the first zombie outbreak occurs in the novel “World War Z” soon to be a motion picture). Getting to the boat was a bit of an ordeal. Our scheduled 3 hour bus ride, turned into a 12 hour crawl. The main road was shut down because of falling rocks and every one was traveling for the holiday. We climbed onto the boat around 2 am feeling very bus legged and exhausted (our seats were at the back of the bus with the window open).

When I was a boy, I remember quiting the boy scouts around the sixth grade. I still have the cub scout motto “Do Your Best” ingrained in my head, but the Boy Scout “Be prepared” never really stuck. The week before we went on the trip, the weather was a balmy 80 degrees. Not wanting to over pack again, I undercompensated for the trip before by only bringing summer clothing and a thin sweater. I guess I wasn’t really planning on roughing it, but it certainly was rough during some parts.    

Our dragon boat

Floating docks you can walk on.

The first day we hopped off our tour boat to board another to take us through the Mini Three Gorges. The Mini Three Gorges is the most popular scenic spot on the river. Gorgeous gorges, is all I can say, and not very fast. Unfortunately, (especially for those who didn’t pack a coat) it was cold and raining. The next morning we took another mini boat through a beautiful cannon. Beyond the cannon were huge mountains that made it feel a bit like Glacier. The day started out frigid, but warmed up significantly once the sun came out. After 30 minutes on the boat we got to get off and walk around through some of the gorges.  Later that they we arrived at the Three Gorges Dam.

The Three Gorges dam was finished being built just last year after 15 years of construction. It is now the world’s largest power station, and has sparked a lot of controversy. The consequences of such an enormous project are endless. The Three Gorges dam is five times larger than the Hoover dam and produces 20 times more energy. The man made feat that left the biggest impression, wasn’t the dam itself, but the outdoor escalators we took up a mountain side to get to the dam.

There's no such thing as a free meal; the price of half price

I felt a certain homely comfort walking back into our apartment in Rongchang. The trip was fantastic, but after 50 days I really missed the communal feel that comes from living in one place for a long time. Spending so little time in each place made it impossible to truly engage and assimiliate to each culture. Blogging enables me to talk about each destination as though I am a seasoned anthropologist, but my actual cultural knowledge really only scratches the surface. I’ve now been back in Rongchang for three eventful months. I’m excited to write more from a residential perspective than a tourist one.

I’ll start with the abismal news first. Kassy and I are the Patrons of doom. Our favorite baozi restraunt has closed as well as our favorite Sushi spot that refused to accept full payment, if any payment at all. Heaven and Hell, the local bar that I would enter like I was from the cast of Cheers has changed ownership. Stores and restaurants in China Kum and Go, just like the cars at that gas station. Even though rapid business change is extremely common, I still feel like I am Arthur Miller’s “Death to a Salesman” seeing as how three staple go-to establishments all closed within a week. If someone did the market research, they might conclude that it would be more fiscally beneficial to bar me from their business than to welcome me with enormous discounts. What I care most about now, is keeping my favorite “Shao Kao” BBQ in business. I think I am paying full price, but the cost is so cheap that I can’t really tell. There’s no way that they would accept a tip, but I am so afraid that they might close, I think about discretly tossing money behind their counter so it looks like they just dropped it.

Although my patronage doesn’t seem to boost business revenue, my sponsorship has been highly sought out. Kassy and I are on the market (no, our relationship is doing great). I mean our pictures are strewn all over town. Our faces are even advertised as teachers at a grade school we don’t even teach at, how the school got our photos still remains in question. My favorite advertisement we did was for a do-it-yourself photography store for a friend named Cindy. The idea is brilliant, give people a wide selection of custumes and a remote to snap pictures with then allow them to go wild by themselves for an hour in a private room. You have the intimacy of a photo booth with the space of a dance studio. The store will also print you photos on T-shirts, pillow cases, calendars, ect. Kassy and I wanted to do mug shots then print them on coffee mugs, but prisoner outfits were the only costume they didn’t have.

Just like last semester, our college classroom attendance is dwindling. Upcoming finals and 80 degree weather have taken priority to our optional oral English class, although there are still a couple of die hards. That being said, Kassy and I are definitely working more this semester. Kassy has been tutoring a 9-year-old sweetheart twice a week and I have started working at three other schools. A proper teacher assessment would probably show that I am under qualified and over paid for all of them, but no one is complaining. On the contrary, having a foreinger teach at their school has yielded tremendous results for their attendance and notoriety. All of them have locked me up for teaching next year already, one of them even wants to pay me to teach the children over skype this summer, only kidding.

Punny Fotos

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