It's the most wonderful time of the year. The mandarin oranges are in full blossom and they may have a higher concentrate of sugar in them than the canned ones sold back in America. They are so good that they even named the language after them. I can't quite speak Mandarin yet, but I sure as hell can eat it.
I find that many things in this world are very confounding. For instance, I am baffled by how a rip stick works, why the bull's eye isn't worth the most points on a dart board, and why you have to change the the direction you are twisting to get the tie thingy off on a loaf of bread. One thing that drove my confusion to apoplectic levels was why Koala Yummies were taken off the shelf. I haven't seen them since I was a young whippersnapper wearing Velcro shoes. I could not believe my eyes when I discovered our local grocery store has a whole row filled with them. I immediately grabbed one and fist pumped it into the air, the exact motion of Ash Ketchup after imprisoning a new Pokemon in his pokeball. For all those who remember them the recipe hasn't changed, although there is a new cappuccino flavor. Koala Yummies will be my first step in becoming a professional importer exporter.
For those of you who are frequent patrons of whole foods, taken a wilderness and civilization class, or drink out of used pear jars I would just like to say I am doing my part to maintain an eco-friendly world by consuming 100% organic, locally grown food. I would also like to mention, that I am also buying 100% locally made. I was going to get you all presents from China, but I suspect most, if not all your Christmas gifts will already be coming from here.
My mother is always pushing me to expand my horizons by eating new things. These past few months I have pushed my horizons farther than Magellan. Here is a list of some of the more unusual foods I've tried and their ratings:
Snake= B Taste is good, especially when it is cooked in oil. Watching the process of the snake being killed against a wooden board then gutted is less than appetizing however.
Pig ear=B The top ear of a pig tastes just fine but has to be gnawed at for a little while. If it is dipped in the pig ear sauce it's rating is bumped to a B+.
Chicken feet=C not the worst taste, but I'm to clumsy with my teeth to get any meat from them. I usually end up just sucking on them, which is alright until I feel the nail. Chicken feet in China are a delicacy, sometimes fought for like the leg of a turkey. Often times they are vacuum packed and sold in grocery store snack aisles.
Frog=B+ The french might be right on this one. Frog tastes like an amphibious chicken. If you can get past the look of it (it looks exactly like a frog without its flesh). I remember there being an old Muppet movie about a villainous man who wanted to sell frog legs. He would have made a fortune if he had.
Bull genitalia=B+ I had one in hot pot and was not told what it was until after I had finished eating it. I thought I missed my chance to be eating this kind of thing once I left Montana. Some Chinese think you are what you eat, and by consuming this will become stronger and more powerful.
Pig brain=? I can not give this one a fair judgement. It honestly tasted somewhere between garlic mashed potatoes and pudding. I believe that we as Americans should be more open to eating more parts of the animals we kill, and not letting so much go to waste. Although I could wrap my brain around the logic, I had problems wrapping my lips around the brain. I felt like Hannibal Lector. The taste was fine, but I wouldn't have been able to take another bite with out yak attack.
Cow stomach= C+ Just fine but real chewy, nothing to write a blog about.
Goose intestines= C to B+, depending on how it's prepared. Real delicious at the goose restaurant.
Eggplant=...A Really the Cinderella story of the trip. I almost gagged at the thought when it was first offered to me. "Here try some fish flavored eggplant." It's not fish flavored at all it's just prepared like a fish and is one of my favorite foods here in China.
Mong beans=A for Awesome. I go crazy for them like beagles for blueberries.
Snail= B- had one night at a BBQ. Was just fine but easily forgotten.
Lotus plant= B+ If cooked all the way through it is very delicious. If it is eaten raw it's a bit bitter for my taste.
Some other things things I've expanded to my pallet that I eat on the reg. Broccoli, sprouts, pumpkin, water seaweed, tofu, and about 4 different things that I don't know the word for. If my mother could witness the foods that I now consume she would not be able to close her mouth (like center fielder Carlos Gomez) for a week.
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