Pain is pressure

Massages are a customary part of life for many Chinese. Supposedly, massages play an important part in keeping one’s body balanced (a word that is synonymous to healthy to the Chinese). The Chinese government has done something really cool, they subsidize the cost of massage training for blind people so they can play a valuable role in society. Almost all masseuses are blind, which does nothing to hinder their work professionally. Being the regular laobaixing (average Chinese Joe) that I am, I decided to go get my first massage.

After years of lifting with my back, slinging my backpack over one shoulder, and sleeping in the fetal position, my back has built up a reserve of entanglements and has been nicknamed Fort Knots. Once the masseuse got to work on my back, he started talking to the other masseuses and laughing a little bit. He was probably asking if I was Quizimotto. I’m sure the knots in my back read like brail under his probing fingers saying “F.U.B.A.R.” I started to feel self-conscious like when the dentist begins to floss and you start to bleed. Luckily, the five dollar hour long massage was a soothing one filled oohs and awws…….. knot!

At the Packer Hall of Fame, I read a quote from the great Vince Lombardi, “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.”  If that is the case, then I have never been a stronger human being in my life. The one hour pressure point massage was downright “cruciatusly cursed” at times. At one point (in my lower back), I lost all feeling in my legs and shouted “Uncle” to no avail. Once the masseuse moved past my back and down to my legs I started to panic. I have very sensitive feet with uncontrollable horse kicking reflexes when they are touched. The thoughts of an international scandal began to race through my head, “American teacher kicks blind masseuse in the face.” Fortunately, the masseuse had to spend so much time undoing the knots in my back (a feat that no eagle scout, experienced sailor, or King Henry the VIII could do in the given time) that the time ran out before he could get to the bottom of my feet.

I hopped off the table feeling like Gumby. If I was to go back to grade school I could have received the presidential award for the V-sit for the first time ever.  No pain no gain has its truth, I felt like 6,290,000 Yuan on the cusp of Nirvana. This limber feeling is disappearing now. It doesn’t help that I am sitting on my futon, hunched over my computer while typing this blog.