Class is in obSession

Just by reading any of my past blogs, you are probably wondering how on earth did this guy ever get hired to teach English. My knowledge of grammar and use of semantics is appalling, my spelling is autrosisous, I frequently have problems with pronouncing words, and I mumble constantly. To camouflage my ineptitude of the language, I use large hand gestures, I plaster my face with a smile that actually is a mile, I am boisterous, I might even flick my lustrous golden locks from time to time. I profess I am not a confessor, I am Gildroy Lockhart of the English language, welcome to my class.

Each class begins with an idiom. I like to to teach them something that they cannot learn from a dictionary translation. I have learned a few Chinese expressions myself, my favorite being "mama huhu" which means so-so, it's literal meaning is horse horse tiger tiger. I like to balance my class with half the class reviewing familiar material like head, shoulders, knees, and toes, and use the rest covering new material like eye lashes, adam's apple, funny bone, and pinky promises. Our students have been taught English primarily through rote memorization. Kassy and I use games as often as possible to get the students to practice speaking. We both taught our classes the game two truths and one lie. The game succeeded in getting everyone to participate although the one lie every time could not have been more obvious to spot if it were told by Pinocchio. One of the more memorable responses was a man claiming he has two heads. A simple joke such as writing my own name down in a list of synonyms for the word great goes Sean lengths in the classroom. If China decides to have a spin off of "The Last Comic Standing" I would undoubtedly be a finalist.

Because Chinese names are so long (not quite tikki tikki tumbo... but not far from) and I can't pronounce them anyhow, all of my students have picked English names to go by in class. Chinese names all have meaning, in other words, every name could be used in a Chinese game of scrabble. Many students just have their Chinese name translated to English, some names are, Grass, Sunshine, and Swallow. Others ventured out and created their own unique names such as, Anluy, Clack, and Vajay. Kassy has a student named Poppy who unfortunately spells it as Poopy. One female Lady Gaga admirer from the class picked the name Alejandro.

I assure you I am not the only one snapping photos throughout the class. The students are beyond excited to be in the same room as an American and every time I turn around after writing something on the board there are at least two students taking a picture of me with a cell phone that's partially hidden behind a notebook. I am the first teacher these students have ever had that speaks English as a first language. Surprisingly, they speak English pretty well with an accent that is probably sounds more natural than mine. It's ironic to remember the days of high school when I begrudgingly went to Spanish class bemoaning the fact that I would never use it in my daily life. Meanwhile the presence of already large Latino population in the United States continues growing. Here in China, my students have been practicing English diligently for five years+ without ever having an opportunity to speak English in their daily life until Kassy and I arrived. It is probable that less then 5 percent of our students will ever have to or have much of an opportunity to use English in their lives. Still our students come to class craving to learn as much as they can.

We teach every night Monday through Friday from 7:00 to 8:30, with two other classes on Friday afternoon and one on Saturday morning. The schedule is not an ideal for travel but I can not complain seeing as how I only have to work 12 hours a week. Prior to daylight savings time, China is 13 hours ahead of central time. If anyone wants to skype, the best time would be around 9ish am or pm.

On a completely separate note, I would like to thank the Tompers for making my life, a box full of chocolates,! you never know if your going to get, especially through the Chinese mail. Chinese food is exceptional, although they are lacking in the sweets department. Special thanks to Chalis for sending me my all time favorite, Kit Kat bars.